Some autistics may have difficulty understanding concepts of authority or hierarchy. Here are some of my experiences with why this is. I want to add that while this tendency can cause trouble and be inconvenient, it can also be beneficial. From my experience, my brain views every person as equal, regardless of status, age, authority level, race, culture, position, etc. The only exception is their level of education. If a person is more educated on a topic, I'm likely to place more value on their opinion. However, qualification does not equal education in my brain. People can have qualifications and still seem clueless, and people can be without qualifications but still be well-educated on a topic. Hierarchy doesn't make sense to my brain, and this has caused issues for me. Parents, teachers, elders, bosses, and managers expect more value to be given to their words. They often expect not to be challenged, called out, or put on the same level as those they view as "below them". Because I see everyone equally, I don't care what position you are in - I will treat you as an equal. I will love, challenge, and value your voice just as much as any other person. Why? Because we are all human, we are all equal.

Sometimes, people on the autism spectrum take words literally. This means that metaphors and common sayings may confuse us, and our responses may confuse others. For example, when we interpret things literally, other people can think we are being rude, sarcastic or sassy, or talking back. Sometimes we can get into trouble for it and have yet to learn why.

For example, people on the autism spectrum may wonder why people say, "What's up?" or "Grab a seat," while everyone else knows what they mean. Similarly, phrases like "the elephant in the room" or "marriage is not a word; it's a sentence" may be confusing.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share another person's feelings. There is a wide range of experiences with empathy among autistics, and it is not accurate to say that all autistics lack empathy. It is the capacity to sit with them and relate to their feelings in that space. Not having this does not necessarily mean a lack of care. For example, some autistics, like me, have difficulty understanding or relating to emotions or experiences they have not experienced. I cannot pretend to understand, or try to put myself in someone's shoes and feel what they are feeling, because I haven't lived it myself. However, even if I may not be able to "feel it", if I care deeply for that person, I will do my best to do and be what they need at the time. Hyper-empathy: Some autistics are incredibly empathetic. They feel things more deeply than most. However, they may not know how to express that. They may even have difficulty distinguishing between their own feelings and those they feel on behalf of another person.

Sometimes, what they feel can be so intense that it causes them to shut down, which can be seen as a lack of empathy. Expressing empathy: Many autistics show empathy or understanding by sharing a story of a similar situation that they have experienced. They use their story to provide proof and explain how they understand what the person is feeling. They use it to express the fact that the person isn't alone. Unfortunately, neurotypicals often view this as an attempt to steal the attention, when it is not. Instead, it is to say, "I know what you're going through and this is how I know. This is why I understand, and I'm here for you."

Many autistics don't experience emotion in the same way as neurotypical people. We may feel an emotion without expressing it or represents an emotion in the form of another. For example, feeling happy may look like being overwhelmed. We may convey an entirely different emotion than what we are feeling.

The difference between these scenarios is that, in one, the behaviour is how we express emotion. On the other, the behaviour is not connected to our inner feelings. It could be a defence mechanism if we feel unsafe showing a particular emotion. Alternatively, we may have no idea how we are feeling.

Because this is often our experience with emotion, we may not read other people's feelings correctly. So, for example, if someone is crying but tells us that they are okay, we might trust their words more than their actions and then continue as if that person were okay. Some autistics are also hyperaware of how other people feel, like how some animals can sense something wrong.

Eye contact is a big issue for ME, but it’s generally either too little or too much of it for other people’s liking. I first noticed that this bothered me pretty late in life, but when I did, it was my first insight into what interoception even is - I genuinely could not tell why I felt this uncomfortable, so I would do it anyway and then cringe and think I was being cute and socially awkward. I mean, I’m still cute, but whatever. Don’t force people to make eye contact with you. It’s a stupid social norm, and people attribute all sorts of meaning to you not being able to do it - don’t be hard on yourself if it causes you stress. I love u.

Most autistics have difficulty fitting in. They may feel like they don't belong anywhere or are on the wrong planet. They may even feel disconnected from their family due to their differences. This can lead to a lack of feeling of "home". Knowing that you're autistic is important for this reason. Belonging is a key factor in a person's sense of well-being. Knowing that you're autistic explains a lot and helps you find people you can relate to. It also means that statements like "I don't belong here" or "I've never fitted in" can be our reality. Some autistics genuinely don't experience a sense of fitting in or belonging. This can be a warning sign of mental distress, but it can also simply express our daily experience.

For many autistics, even a single unexpected change in a day can cause a chain reaction of events that no longer go according to plan. Routines and plans are often built on one another, so if something is cancelled after the day has already started, it can be very stressful. 

For some autistics, that window of time to adjust to a change is much larger. For example, if I know about a change the day before, I can usually make a new plan. However, if too many things change in a week, I may not be able to cope.

Changes can also disrupt routines. For example, suppose one aspect of a routine is changed or can't be completed. In that case, an autistic person may have difficulty doing the routine at all. This includes small details like object placement, food, the people we see, etc.

I think a large part of why change can cause so much anxiety for autistics is because we need more mental preparation than most people. If we aren't given enough time to prepare, we won't have the tools or capacity to deal with it, or our needs won’t be met.

I am an extrovert, so I need a certain amount of time around people, but I'm also autistic with sensory processing disorder. So if I know I have social time coming up, I will need to take time in my day to be alone, without stimulation. However, if the person then cancels the social event, I've now spent the day done, not getting the social time I need. Or, if I am relying on someone to help me with groceries or a chore and they cancel, I won’t have time to prepare my brain to do those tasks alone, and then I may not be able to do them at all. 

The world’s generally confusing and difficult to navigate, so it’s nice if some parts of our lives are predictable and familiar.

Answering a future-predicting question can be really stressful for some autistics, as things might be different when the situation happens. To help, it can be useful to phrase questions in a specific way and more about the present moment. For example:

"Do you feel comfortable with these options if things go badly? Do we need to come up with some more?"

"Do you need any help with this task today? You can let me know if things change."

"Do you intend to try to stay safe?"

"Do you feel able to look after yourself today?"

"Do you know what you can do or who you can contact if you need help? Do you intend on trying to use those options if you need them?"

The main difference in how these questions are worded is that they're about how the autistic person feels in the moment and about trying rather than guaranteeing. Intent isn’t definite; it is, in that moment, what one is aiming for or wants to do, but it doesn't promise that it will happen that way. This approach may not be helpful for everyone. It's just what worked for me. Some autistics may still find that they are unable to give answers about their intentions because they won't know until the future becomes the present.

Research suggests that autistics are more likely than the general population to identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. However, I want to focus specifically on gender, rather than sexuality. The majority of things used to define and relate to gender are actually just social expectations, and have nothing to do with biology, practicality, or logic. Autistics often don't pick up on or follow societal expectations and social rules, which could make it difficult for them to fit into a definition of gender. This isn't necessarily the reason why autistics may identify with a gender different to the one assigned at birth, but it could be a factor. Gender is a social construct. It doesn't make sense that one's genitalia should determine anything about their appearance or their interests. If people aren’t aware of social rules and expectations, they are more likely to be who they want to be, without regard for what others think. This could lead to them realizing that they don’t fit into what society expects of them as their assigned gender, and coming out as the identity that fits who they are. Changing the label changes the expectations while also expressing who they are.

I want to preface this by saying that many autistics can work in a group, but it can be stressful, frustrating, and far from ideal in certain situations. Here are some things that can make group work difficult for an autistic: 

Having to rely on someone else's timetable

Taking the work more seriously than others 

Difficulty with socializing/communicating 

Others slowing them down 

Higher chance that the end result won't be their desired outcome 

Others not understanding their schedule 

Slower conversation-processing speed 

Difficulty adapting to changes in plan 

Difficulty adapting to someone else doing something different than expected 

Difficulty with compromise 

Others not understanding sensory difficulties 

Feeling that their grade should not depend on others' work 

Others not following a structure 

People going off-topic or being distracting 

Some autistics may try to manage these things by attempting to lead or direct the group.

Many autistics are known to laugh at inappropriate times because we are either unaware of social expectations or because our sense of humour is distinct from most people's. For example, I once laughed loudly during a movie scene in which everyone else was crying in Canadian history class. It was a war scene where the protagonist died, and I thought it was a joke because it was so unrealistic, and I could not understand why others were so upset. Autistics are less likely to find things funny if they don't make logical sense. They might hear a joke and immediately explain why it is incorrect without realizing it is a joke.

It is common for neurotypical conversations to have multiple topics and to flow into subject changes. Everyone seems to keep up with the conversation topic and when it changes. For some autistics, this can be really difficult. To us, it's like neurotypicals have multiple chat boxes open. They can separate the topics, see when they merge, and know when one has been closed.

In contrast, some autistics have only one chat box for the entire conversation. It can then be difficult to figure out how everything that is said fits together - especially when it doesn't. Conversation between multiple autistic individuals can look quite different. They may discuss only one topic at a time, moving on only when that subject is finished. This can lead to pauses in the conversation, which many of us are okay with. Sometimes one person might be reminded of something during a conversation, and then proceed to change the subject, but they don't often discuss the previous topic simultaneously.

Please note that not all autistics have the same experience, and ADHD may also affect how conversation on multiple topics goes. If you're interested in all the topics, you can jump between them. It depends on who you're speaking to, what you're speaking about, and whether you care.

Although many autistics need time alone, this does not mean they don't want friends or social time. Loneliness is a common issue among the autistic community. It is deeply unfulfilling to be misunderstood by most people, and being in a loving community is a primal need for us all.